I wrote this piece about 4 years ago. I don’t often update this blog anymore – life gets in the way and suddenly it’s six months between posts – but Facebook’s “Your Memories on Facebook” feature reminded me about this post from my old Modern Parent Online column. With Father’s Day approaching this weekend, I thought it would be a perfect time to revisit this old article and update how things are now. (TL;DR – he’s still awesome.)
Brian and Katie putting together our vegetable garden.
So here we go….
June 2012 – I never really talk about my husband here. Probably because these articles tend to focus on either the children or, a tad selfishly, me. However, with Father’s Day this month I thought it would be a perfect time to talk about the father of my children. Here are some things you should know about my husband.
1. We met doing community theatre. I was 15 and he was 19. I had a crush on him from day one, however we didn’t actually start dating until two years later. It took him a while to warm up to me I guess. (I kid, I kid!) Actually, it was one of those situations where you start off as friends and discover you’ve grown to love each other.
Still true. Obviously.
2. So if we started dating when I was 17 and I’m now 35, the math tells you we’ve been together for 18 years. That’s more than half my life and I’m happy to spend the rest of it with him, too.
It’s been 4 years since I wrote this so that same math will tell you I’m now 39 (almost 40? Wut??) and we’ve been together 22 years. TWENTY-TWO YEARS. That’s now more than half of BOTH our lives. Crazy.
3. We like a lot of the same things. I already enjoyed science fiction, but he introduced me to the world of fantasy fiction. It’s not just magic and dragons and sword fights. A lot of fantasy fiction has overarching themes of love, loss, family, and (of course) the battle against evil. The storytelling is so powerful that it sticks with you and you want to reread the stories again and again. Some of my favorite books are ones he had first.
This is still true, even if I don’t have a lot of time to read nowadays. One series he has never been able to get me into is Game of Thrones, even though he read the novels years ago. Too violent for me, I guess. And coming from someone who loved Deadpool, that’s saying a lot.
4. Nowadays we don’t have date nights, but we do watch a lot of TV together after the kids are in bed. It’s nice to spend time together, even if it’s in an unconventional way.
Also still true. (Noticing a pattern?)
5. We dislike some things. I’ll never get him to enjoy a show like The Vampire Diaries and he’ll never get me to watch Saving Private Ryan. But that’s good. It means we still have our own interests and our own identities.
It was only this past season that I finally gave up on Vampire Diaries, and no, he never watched with me. Which is fine. I’ll still never watch Saving Private Ryan, either. So we continue to have our own interests, which is important.
6. He’s funny. He’s very funny. If I am ever in a bad mood it doesn’t take much for him to pull me out of it. It’s like he’s taken it on as one of his jobs – to cheer me up when I’m blue.
Still funny. Still the person I turn to when I need a pick-me-up. Still a tremendous support during my low times and the person who shares my joy during my high times.
7. At this point we practically share a brain. He can make an obscure television or movie reference at dinner and I instantly know what he’s talking about. And I’m sure a lot of couples experience this phenomenon – I’ll be picking up the phone to call him and see that he’s calling me at the same time.
Not calling so much as emailing now. Lots and lots of email during the day. I love that we stay in contact about serious AND silly things.
8. He’s a big-time PC gamer. Right now he’s involved with Star Wars: The Old Republic. Monkey Man gets a kick out of watching him play for some reason. I don’t know. The whole concept escapes me.
Now this one’s interesting. For a while he moved away from “SWTOR” (Star Wars: The Old Republic) but he introduced me to it last year and we’ve been playing together ever since. Jon (Monkey Man) still enjoys watching, but enjoys helping me even more. And by “helping” I mean making my character jump and run forward because he thinks it’s funny. Clearly from what I posted above I never thought I’d enter the world of PC and online gaming but here I am, enjoying spending time with Brian on planets from Alderaan to Hoth to Belsavis.
9. He’s fiercely protective of both me and the kids.
10. He is a stay-at-home dad. If you’ve never been a stay-at-home parent then I don’t think you can fully appreciate what that means, myself included.
Still stays home. Some things have changed as the kids have grown older. They’re are old enough to take showers instead of needing help with baths. But homework is a real thing now. Katie prefers to be on her own, although we insist she get Dad to check it. Jon really needs help, but that’s to be expected. Nate prefers Grandma Sue’s help.
11. He’s extraordinarily patient, most of the time. Just like anyone else, he has a breaking point. But his seems to be a lot higher than mine.
Still surprisingly patient, for the most part. He reaches that breaking point a good bit faster nowadays, but that’s to be expected when you’re trying to wrangle 3 kids at this age.
12. His patience is most evident with Monkey Man. And I can just leave it at that.
He’s still the Jon Whisperer. More often than I’d like to admit I have to go to him when Jon’s being difficult. He’ll listen to Dada a lot more than Mommy. But that’s okay. They have that special bond and I don’t know where we’d be with Jon if not for Brian’s patience, guidance, and love.
A little boy needs his Dada to keep him warm on a very cold day.
Overall, I think I’m pretty lucky. He’s a great husband and a great dad and this Father’s Day, I want to make sure he knows it.
This and every Father’s Day.