Jon vs. Halloween

I know I should probably write about the beginning of the school year, how the kids are adapting, the start of Fall, and all that important stuff that I want to archive. And I will. But for now, I want to talk about Jon and his sudden hatred of all things Halloween.

It all started last year. We were at my happy place – those who know me know I mean SuperTarget – and were wandering my favorite place in my happy place, the Halloween section. There was another family there who really liked the outdoor decorations. You know the ones – the creepy, loud, moaning, screaming, scary-music kind. So they were setting them off, over and over. And over and over and over. At a certain point, Jon couldn’t take it anymore so we left the area. I don’t blame him, really. It was super obnoxious and annoying. Nothing against those who enjoy that sort of thing. Some of my favorite people love the scariness of the holiday. But I’d bet they aren’t the type of people who will continually set them off in the store just for funsies.

Anyway, it was at that point, I think, that he decided he no longer likes Halloween.

Now this is especially difficult for me since Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. I don’t like scary Halloween. I like cute Halloween, like Teenie Halloweenies.

Seriously, how cute is that?!?

 

I like the non-scary decorations and the candy and the costumes and the fun. I like that Halloween falls during my favorite season, Autumn. And I like that it can be family-friendly.

Since Jon had decided he wanted nothing to do with any part of Halloween, including Trick-or-Treating (a travesty, if you ask me!), I decided to give him levels of Halloween based on potential scariness. Cute, fun, little kid stuff is Level 1. Slightly spooky but not scary stuff is Level 2… You get the idea. The ultimate scariest is a Level 10. Think SCarowinds, haunted houses, creepy-ass clowns, and all that stuff. Honestly, that gets a big NOPE from me, too. I hate horror movies and being scared. I’ll stick with the cute stuff, thankyouverymuch.

Jon would continually ask me if something was Level 1 Halloween, Level 2 Halloween, etc. We decided together that Level-1 and Level-2 were safe. Our neighborhood put on a trunk-or-treat Halloween night and I was finally able to get Jon to agree to go there in costume since we knew it was for the littlest kids and would be a Level 1. It turned out to be more of a Level 2, but that was fine. Seeing how tame it was, he decided he’d go around the neighborhood as well, but stuck close to us in case something scary happened.

 

Belle, Star-Lord, and the cutest Boba Fett you’ve ever seen.

And that was that. I thought he’d gotten over the sudden distaste for Halloween. Boy, was I wrong.

Something happened at some point that he has now decided he hates anything and everything about Halloween. Everything is supposedly terrifying to him. In August when Carowinds started prepping their decorations for SCarowinds, he decided he did not want to go to the park again until after October. Well, the only thing after October is Winterfest so he’s pretty much done for the season.

And now he doesn’t even want to go to Target. TARGET! How can you NOT want to go to Target?? Another travesty. But he’s terrified that they’ll have decorations all over the store.

To make matters worse, he saw some of my decorations in the garage and freaked out about that, too. Seriously!!! My cute little witches hats and owls and ghosties?? They wouldn’t scare a toddler! And here he is, my almost 13 year old, losing his damn mind.

Okay, the door may be a little much. But the rest of it? Come on, man!

It’s unbelievably frustrating. He’s gotten himself so worked up over the whole thing that it’s making it impossible to even say the word H-A-L-L-O-W-E-E-N without him fussing and hollering.

This lead me to two realizations. One, he’s gonna have a bad time come October 1st when I start decorating. Two, this means he probably won’t want to go with us to my parents’ place for our annual visit. They live in the mountains and we visit Granddad’s Apples for family fun, Linda’s Plants & Shrubs for their hay maze and to get our pumpkins, and sometimes go gem mining or to the kids’ hands-on museum. It’s a tradition that I love. And that makes me sad.

This one is from 2015.

 

I don’t know how to help him overcome this sudden and irrational fear. Has it at this point developed into a true phobia or is he just overreacting for dramatic effect? It’s hard to tell with him. But I hope we can figure it out. Because I want him to enjoy the family-friendly fun again.

After all, it is the most wonderful time of the year.

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WHO Knew?

I’m always excited when I enjoy something and my children discover that they enjoy it, too. I’ve said before that we are a Nerd family. We have Star Wars geeks, Potterheads, Trekkies…..

And now Whovians.

Whovian

/HOO-vee-ann/

noun

1. A person who is a fan of the British Science Fiction programme, Doctor Who

Doctor Who  has been around in one way or another for more than 50 years. My mother-in-law has been a Whovian for a long, long time. She got me into Doctor Who about 5 years ago. (Hey, look at that! I actually wrote about it when I started watching in 2013!) A number of my friends watched the show and I was curious what it was about so I gave it a go. I’m so glad I did. The Who-verse is amazing and I LOVE IT.

A few months ago I discovered that the show is now streaming on Amazon Prime. (By the way, Amazon Prime is quite possibly the best thing ever invented. Like, ever.) Thanks to the wonders of technology, I’ve been able to watch episodes on my phone. For a while, it was quite the routine – I would get home from the gym, make my dinner, then sit down at the table with my phone propped up against the napkin holder like a little TV. Nate would occasionally wander in to the dining room to watch with me. He got to see Dinosaurs on a Spaceship and Daleks taking Manhattan. Slowly but surely, he was drawn in to the world of the Doctor.

Like when River and Amy told the 11th Doctor what they really think about his beloved fez.

Now, he and Jon had on occasion watched with Grandma, which was great. So they knew some of the characters and some of the villains. Nate’s favorite seems to be the Daleks…..

EXTERMINATE!

and the Cybermen.

You will be upgraded.

After watching bits and pieces with me, he started watching full episodes. First, it was specific episodes featuring those epic villains. Then one day, he decided he wanted to watch the series from the beginning of the reboot in 2005.

And with one word, Doctor Who was introduced to a new generation.

And with that, we were off! Let me say again that I get excited when my kids discover and enjoy something I love. But I try not to get too excited about it. I don’t want to jinx anything, you know. So every day I casually ask a Nate, “Do you want to watch another episode?” And when he replies with an enthusiastic “Yes!”, I just smile. But inside I’m all like,

The last few weekends we’ve spent more than a little time watching the show and I’m not even ashamed. I LOVE IT. I wouldn’t say I’m a completely bad influence. We also go to the park and do other things. But we’ve been spending a big chunk of time on the sofa going on adventures with the Doctor and his companions. It’s awesome that we have a little mini Whovian in the house and I’m so happy that he has found this amazing, weird, funny, sad, exciting show.

Totally in the zone watching the season 9 episode, “Time Heist”

Who knew? (HA! Puns.)

It’s a Big First Day

The time is here. A new school year. There is quite a mix of emotions today.

8th grade, 6th grade, and 5th grade

EXCITEMENT! – It’s a new year which means a fresh start. New clubs to join. A chance to make a great first impression with new teachers. A chance to make new friends, as well as see old ones they’ve not seen all summer. New, new, new!

Sadness – This is our last year at the same elementary school we’ve had for the past 9 years. Nate went to Pre-K here so this is Nate’s 7th year! I can’t help but think of the “last firsts” – A last first day of school at a place that’s meant so much to us. The last school year for recess every day. The last year for walking a kid into school, either for a specific reason or just to say “hi”.

I realize that last one is something I can do at the middle school but it’s not nearly as easy. Traffic concerns aside, middle schoolers are starting to spread their wings and deserve the chance to do things on their own without Mom hovering behind. (And I admit, I tend to hover.)

Relief – No need to listen to them whine about being bored during the day. Well, okay. Let’s be honest – it’s actually no need to feel guilty that they watch TV most of the day.

Anxiety – Anxiety, Worry, Fear, Apprehension….

Call it what you will, but it’s that feeling that’s settled into my chest and will be there until I know it’s going to be okay. Will they find new clubs and activities? Will they make new friends? Will they have to deal with bullying or mean kids?

Admittedly, I’m not as worried about Nate. He’s a big-man-on-campus 5th grader and has been looking forward to this for WEEKS.

Goofy boy is excited for 5th grade

I’m a little nervous for Katie. She’s been dreading today so we can only hope it goes well and she has friends in her classes to help alleviate her fears.

My 8th grader isn’t so excited.

So it mostly comes down to Jon. Will there be a meltdown because everything is just too overwhelming? I know the teachers have his back but how will HE react? How overwhelmed will he feel? How much stimming will he find himself doing to cope?

Not really sure how this one feels. He’s been kinda quiet.

To be honest, I’m scared for him. Of course, in front of him we’ve been all smiles and encouragement, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

My head knows he’ll be fine. My heart, not so much. This ball of stress and anxiety that’s settled in my chest isn’t going away any time soon.

I look forward to a full report of how it goes for all three of them today. Their excitement, relief, and happiness that it’s going to be okay. Fingers crossed for a great first day.

She’s 13

Katie is 13 today.

This is the face of a teenager, y’all.

It seems very common to think, “Wow, 13! A teenager? Where does the time go?” And to a certain extent I’ve said and felt that way. But honestly? It’s not as jarring and emotional as I was expecting it to be.

Katie at 2 years old. Look at that little face!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a very sensitive person. I wear my emotions like one wears a bright coat – out in the open for everyone to see. It’s not intentional, it’s just who I am. So I was expecting today to be happy but bittersweet.

3-year old Katie with a newborn Nate.

To my surprise, for the most part I’ve been just fine. I just think of her and how she feels today. She is so excited to finally, FINALLY, be a teenager! And I’m happy for her. Do I feel like I’ve lost my baby? Perhaps if I think about it too much, yes. But it just feels right to have a 13-year old in the house.

Katie and Jon. She sure does love her brothers.

Maybe it’s because for a while now she’s been relatively mature for her age. She’s very independent so I can trust her to do things I’d never imagine the boys doing. (Yes, I know they’re younger. But even when she was their ages.) Granted she can sometimes be a little TOO independent – she has a tendency to just deal with some things instead of asking for help, which inevitably gets her into trouble or makes things much more difficult for her in the long run. But she is fast becoming a young woman and I love it.

3-years old at a friend’s wedding. She loved showing off her dress to everyone she met.

We’ve always had a special bond. She’s my bean-bean. My princess. My Sweetpea. My Sweetie. But lately I’ve felt closer to her than ever. We can talk about things we never could before. And I marvel at the person she is and the woman she will be.

Me and my Bean.

She’s got such a beautiful heart. She seems to have great taste in friends. (So far there aren’t any that I think are a bad influence. That I know of, anyway.) She’s a nurturing big sister (most of the time). And her academics are just phenomenal – Honors Math, Honors English-Language Arts, Spanish for high school credit….and she has all A’s and B’s. Her teachers love her. She’s just an all around good person. And we are so very proud of her.

At the beach, beautiful as the sunset.

So Happy Birthday, Sweetie. We love you!!

My girl. (Photo credit: J Velez Photography)

 

 

 

Changes

In a few months we’re going to be in uncharted territory. We’ll be preparing Jon (and ourselves) for middle school. Of course we’ve done the middle school thing already with Katie. But this is so very different.

When you have a kid with special needs, you don’t just have two main teachers (and those who teach art, music, PE, and media). You have an entire team made up of resource teachers (previously known as “special education” teachers), therapists, and administration. You have a set of plans and accommodations in place to prepare for any situation – outbursts, meltdowns, refusal to do work, or anything else that may come their way. For us, this is in the form of both an IEP (Individualized Education Program) and BIP (Behavioral Improvement Plan). And you have regular meetings to discuss and adjust the plans as needed.

This is the last IEP for Elementary School….

 

Jon’s been at his school since kindergarten. We know these teachers and this team. One of his resource teachers has been with him since 2nd grade, the other since 3rd. He only sees the speech therapist a few times a semester now but she’s been working with him since kindergarten! So to say we have a strong bond and a connection with these people is an understatement. They know him inside and out. We’ve been through so much together and they’ve always – ALWAYS – done what is best for him. And now we’re moving on to a new school with new resource teachers and new instructors and new processes and new everything. New EVERYTHING.

You know there’s a lot to keep track of when there are multiple education binders.

 

I am very lucky that I have a friend whose son is also on the spectrum and started at Jon’s future middle school this year. She’s had great things to say about the special needs team so that’s encouraging. But soon we’ll start the process of meeting the team, (hopefully) putting accommodations and plans in place, and introducing Jon to this foreign environment. Middle school is so different from elementary school! Knowing what Katie’s gone through I just can’t imagine how Jon’s going to do. He does not do well with change and to say this is change, well…..there’s that word “understatement” again.

But it also means goodbyes, and if I’m honest with myself I think that may be the most difficult part. Saying goodbye to this team and this school we’ve worked with for SO LONG. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it and we don’t officially say goodbye until June!

From talking to his teachers I know they’re dreading the goodbyes just as much as we are. As frustrating as Jon can be, he’s still such a light in the lives of anyone who works with him. I’m told time and again how much they love that boy. He’s so sweet and has such a big heart. His hugs and the things he says can brighten even the darkest days.

I’m hoping that once we have our first meeting with the new team it will help to alleviate some of the fear and anxiety over the unknown. I guess there’s only one way to know. Onward and upward.

Such a big kid!

So This is 40

During the summer I listen to a lot of Jimmy Buffett. One of my favorite Buffett songs has always been “A Pirate Looks at 40”. And it occurred to me – while I may not be a pirate, somehow I am staring down the barrel at 40.

 

 

I’m fairly sure I had this t-shirt in high school.

I’ve never really been one to dwell on my age. Hell, half the time I can’t even remember how old I am. Awhile back one of the kids asked how old I was and I actually had to do Age Math to figure it out.

So why am I being affected by 40? For some reason I just can’t wrap my head around it.

Maybe it’s because I actually remember my parents in their 40s and that’s so weird and surreal to me.

Rockin’ the pink jumper and sneaks with my Mom. I’m thinking she’s probably 39 or 40 in this pic.

 

Maybe it’s because 40 is supposed to be some big milestone and it doesn’t feel terribly milestone-y to me.

Maybe it’s because I see my childhood friends on Facebook and they don’t look 39 or 40. (Although maybe the fact that I’m still a heavy Facebook user is a sign that I am getting older. Kids these days have moved on to Instagram, Snapchat, and who knows what else….)

I know it’s cliche, but I don’t “feel” 40, although I can’t possibly know what 40 is supposed to “feel” like. I couldn’t tell you how old I do feel, but it’s certainly not middle age! And let’s be real – THIS IS MIDDLE AGE.

So, yeah. 40. Forty. Four-Zero. In my forties. No longer in my thirties. I’ve moved past thirty-something.

Wow.

Hard Decisions

2016 was quite a year. If you ask the internet, it was quite possibly The Worst Year Ever. And while yes, a lot of pretty crappy stuff happened, for the Dulls it was really just another year. Except for one notable thing. Sweet Nate.

Photo Credit: JL Velez Photography

I’ve said time and again that having a kid on the autism spectrum makes it hard to judge behavior. Our lens is a little skewed. And since Nate’s not on the spectrum, it’s hard to know what’s “normal”. What I do know is that his behavior went downhill this Fall with the start of 4th grade.

He’s always been an active kid. Well…. not always. He didn’t walk until he was 2 and didn’t talk until 3-1/2. But he’s definitely made up for that lost time with his energy level and his need to talk. A LOT.

So was his latest behavior normal or abnormal? Was he being overly rambunctious or “just being a boy”? It’s hard to say, but as the months passed things just got progressively worse.

Between August and November, he was given frequent detentions. There was even an incident that resulted in an in-school suspension – he was sent to another classroom for a “time out” and, instead of letting the teacher know he was there, he hid behind their poster board and drew all over the back of it with a marker.

Saywhatnow?

That’s called vandalism.

He’d burst into tears in class at the smallest things. He was constantly losing his homework, his lunchbox, and his hoodies. He’d get all wound up and wouldn’t focus in class. He’d be given instructions then not do the work, claiming he couldn’t remember what he was supposed to do.

It was rough for him and for us. This was definitely not something in The Parenting Handbook, as much as I wished it was. We of course feared he was being bullied. He’s a little guy and his frequent tearful outbursts labeled him a “cry baby” by some of his peers. It didn’t help that he refused to talk about it. We reassured him that he could talk to us, to his teachers, or to anyone else he trusted. But he’d clam up, almost as if reassurance made him LESS likely to want to confide in us.

With few options left we finally made the decision to consult his doctor. We knew it would probably lead us down the path to medication so we prepared ourselves for that. Obviously, it wasn’t our first choice. As someone who has to take medication twice a day, every day, I am especially hesitant to do that to my child but, again, we felt like we were out of options.

A few things came from that visit. First, a referral to a therapist so he could have someone to talk to that’s NOT family or a teacher. Second, an official ADHD diagnosis; his rambunctiousness, forgetfulness, and inability to concentrate had a probable source. And lastly, he was given a prescription for Quillivant.

The side effect we were most concerned about was potential weight loss. As I mentioned, he’s a little guy (45lbs at 9-1/2 years old!) so he can’t really afford to lose any weight.

Those “shorts” are actually size 18-mo. pants. Yes, really.

But we thought it was worth it if it meant things would be easier for him at school. More importantly, though, HE wanted to try. That was very important to us – we wanted him to be a part of the decision-making process.

To say it’s made a difference is an understatement. He told me he feels more focused at school and his change in behavior is like night and day. It’s a med that doesn’t stay in his system so he only takes it on school days.

Unfortunately, he did lose weight the first month, so the doctor decreased the dose and we’re trying to put his caloric intake on overdrive. But for now we couldn’t be happier. It’s always so validating when you have to make a hard decision and it turns out you made the right choice.

Never pass up the chance to use an “Indiana Jones” quote.

Obviously, every family is different. Every child is different. What worked for us may not work for others. But it was the right decision for our boy and I’m so happy we did it.